September 17, 2015

Another day, another story. At the rate I'm going my book will pretty much write itself, I had said. A long, long time ago.

On September 16, 2013, I wrote this. And I got a lot of helpful advice from friends and readers. I got a comment or two, an email or ten and had many conversations that resulted from this latest episode of rishta-boy-insanity. While most of them warned me against embroiling myself in a situation that ran the risk of yet more disasters, others told me not to take anything at face value and to decide for myself. Yet more told me to go ahead... if nothing else this new development would make for good writing fodder - which is, ofcourse, what all fledgling authors are on the look out for.

Frankly all of the helpful advice-givers could have saved themselves the trouble. Truth is, our first three-hour-long phone conversation - ironically prompted by the many-warnings-against - might have been the catalyst that sealed my fate.

So I came down to Seattle, prepared to to do many things as an extension of a fun-filled and much deserved US vacation. I intended to: befriend the bad-guy, explore an anthropological mystery (and assuage my curiosity in the process) and catch up with old friends.

What I was not prepared to do, however, is fall madly, utterly, completely in love. And not the kind of love I had ever felt before, but a feel-it-your-bones, I-accept-you-for-good-bad-beautiful-and-ugly kind of love.

The kind of love that makes you put aside the-new-job-with-the-fancy-title and stay on an extra couple of days in Seattle even though you spent the past three weeks searching for the perfect suit to wear to the first day of work in DC.

The kind of love that makes separation a gnawing ache in your tummy that just refuses to go away. The kind of love that rivals what you feel for your parents, your siblings - frankly anyone else you know in this world - and then one-ups it.

The kind of love that makes you feel like you're raw, and exposed and - for the first time in your life -  feeling something very much like regret that there was a life-before and there might yet possibly be a life after.

The kind of love that longs for things unknown and is terrified as much of a future-together as a-life-apart.

And that's just what was going on in my side of the universe. What happened in his conflicted world is yet another long story.

I really didn't expect to  get married a few months later. But even as I handed in my resignation, raced against time to put together a Pakistani-wedding-multiple-event-extravaganza, had more than a few wedding-dress-woes and committed myself to a man I knew so-very-well, yet not-well-at-all, I knew deep down inside (where all truth resides) this this is what I really wanted. And despite the huge changes that came with this decision - unemployment, moving away from family and friends-who-were-family, living life in a country both familiar and strange, this was what I was meant to do.

Two years, and a baby, later I still feel exactly the same. That for good or bad, better or worse, in sickness and in health this man who I met and loved so utterly and instantly was destined for me, as I was for him. That I love him more than I can ever express, in words or in deed. And that despite the doubts that may have cropped up once-upon-a-time, I made the smartest decision in my life when I flew down to Seattle, and opened my heart to love. 

9 comments:

The Me. said...

Hayay. Haha. How nice. (:

Neo said...

:)

Rakhi said...

Congratulations on the baby, Xebbie! Wish you and your family all the very best. :)
And I am so glad that everything fell into place for you.

How do we know said...

excellent. and now, pls come back to blogging too. U r mucha missed.

Gaia said...

Awwww... congrats on the baby!

Anonymous said...

I used to come and read your blog almost every day... it took me forever to catch up with old posts and inspired me to start my own and then... I just stopped

I deleted my digital footprint and let life happen

I randomly came back today after itching a hole into my brain trying to remember what your blog was called and am really happy to read your not so recent post about settling down.

It's ironic because I met who I hope will be the one I belong to even if I have always loved my independence I kind of want dependence too

I just wanted to say thank you for the years you gave here I wish you and your small family all the happiness the rest of eternity can give you.

w_o said...

I come here every 6 months to check out if you have written something new. I somehow missed your earlier post. But I am really glad to read this. Really happy that you found it.

w_o said...

BTW, u live in Seattle now? How about hosting a local meet and greet for your readers?

Arunima said...

hey woman! hugs to you and I am so glad to read about this. Will be reading the other posts. Congratulations. I had visited Seattle last year. Wish I had read your blog earlier. I am in the Chicago suburbs. pls pls do reach out if you visit this side.