May 7, 2013

So, there is a mango-boy floating around the periphery who I (for better or for worse) am consciously trying to commit myself to. For one, I realize that the (probable) solution to my guilt-induced-psychosis (much) is (from now onwards) sticking to the socially prescribed straight and narrow. This will, I hope, lead to a cessation of the moral drones currently attacking my brain. And what better way to get instant social approval and a-universal-pat-on-the-back (in the Islamic Republic) then to get hitched to a suitable boy? So I cultivate. For the reader's ready reference, current mango-boy is someone I have mentioned in the past, because of his propensity to end each sentence with a 'lol'. I have (rather magnanimously, I believe) decided to look beyond that, because (as I may not have mentioned) he does speak 5 languages and I suppose grammatical nuances tend to escape people more multilingual than me (or is it I?). Also, his voicemail message is in fluent French, and I feel like that tends to cancel out the 'lol'-ing (to some extent).

 That said, there are still issues.

For me one of the biggest one is that Mango-boy is willing to explore this arrangement with me on the basis of a stilted online whatsap conversation (ongoing in bits and peices over the past few months). One skype call (I have no idea why, but I really do hate skype), and a few (and far between) phone conversations. On none of these has he asked me anything remotely personal, or personality-clarifying. Clearly, he's not much of a communicator, which is in itself a little disturbing, but what I'm wondering (and also wondering if I'm making mountains out of molehills here) is that he hasn't done any of the tell-tale things that I'm used to from men who want to get to know me.

To make a list (of what is worrying me):
  • He hasn't probed, inquired, speculated or outright asked me anything about  my previous (or current, for that matter) relationship status - does this mean he is one of those rare (like Santa Claus type rare) men who have absolutely no interest in what happened before he happened?
  • He has engaged in no stalking whatsoever. Has not checked out a single facebook picture, commented on anything personal or asked me to give him details about my friends that I would have (a little resentfully) provided. All in all, it seems to matter not to him who I have - or do - befriend.
  • He asked me how my weekend was, I told him (because I thought, here's an opportunity to get a reaction) that it was filled with crazy parties. Next he asks me what I'm up to tonight. I respond that I'm planning on attending more crazy parties. His response in a nutshell, a rather lukewarm 'that's nice, 'lol' (but-ofcourse) and then a 'be safe' or some such. So, is he one of those super-secure-super-cool characters that trust implicitly and have no fear of anything you are upto when he's not around, or does he think parties in the Islamic Republic are kosher and therefore nothing worrisome is bound to happen (except for the occasional bomb-blast and I must the make sure to avoid the shrapnel?)
  • Aside from whatsap, there has been no pressing requests from him for (more) personal interaction. He wanted to talk to me on skype, I said I hate skype. I asked him to call instead, which he did, a couple of times. The conversations lasted a few minutes (of rather perfunctory nonsense). Where are the long soulful phone calls that last all night? Where are the random insightful questions? Or the political debates? Or just the trading of life stories? Or is he just really-really good at reading between the lines?
All-in-all, what I'm wondering with this mango-boy experience is: is this what the whole arranged-marriage-arena is actually like? Am I expecting too much from this 'getting-to-know-each-other-before-letting-the-families-have-a-final-decision? Is this just a distance thing and should I look forward to actually meeting him and hoping we will have more to talk about besides the weather? Or again (because I really wonder) is the weather the most pressing point of conversation in these relationships. Up until the children come along, after which the discussion shifts to them. 

As you can tell, I'm confused. On one hand I steeled my soul and resigned myself to accepting this as my last-chance-at-societal-approval-and-a-happy-(sorta)-ever-after. At the same time, what do other people do in this particular situation? 

Advice, anyone?


Anonymous said...

Also, he seems uninterested.

Xeb said...

So here's the thing. He seems to be interested (according to familiar sources). But he shouldn't be interested (theoretically) because he doesn't know enough to be. And he's not really finding out.

The conspiracy-theory-rich part of my brain has another possible solution: What if he's gay, and I'm being primed to become his beard?!?!


Anonymous said...

Exactly! He doesn't seem interested in finding out.
And the conspiracy theory could be true. Ddoes he act umm, gay-ish?

Anuradha said...

That conspiracy theory COULD be true.

Well I'm a LOT younger than you, but I despise the concept of arranged marriages. Which is partly because my parents had one and it ended in disaster, and partly because I do not see how I could ever marry without falling in love first. Anyway. I don't know, maybe you should give it some more thought (and time) since marriage is supposed to be an important life decision. And do get some more information on the gay angle before you do anything else. Good luck ^^

Aneela Z said...

How old is he? It could be that he is a bit "jaded" from all the "Is She The One?" over the years and how it all fizzles out to nothing. Perhaps he is saving getting emotionally invested to a time when he knows things are going somewhere, and the families are involved. You have your engagement period to know whether arranged marriage is for you. Or I would say have the talk with him NOW. Discuss your concerns. Perhaps he just like is not really into getting married and its good for him to know you are in the same boat. Forget about romantic love. Would you make a good team? For that is what makes relationships, marriages sustainable over the years.

Aneela Z said...

*just like you is not really into getting married*

kf said...

You'd be better off with someone who actually does stalk you if you like them.