May 2, 2011

I can't believe he's dead.

Primarily because I never really thought he existed to begin with. Like unicorns, or true-love, I always though Osama was a figment of popular culture's imagination.

When I thought about Mr. Bin Laden (and if you think about how often we've been forced to think about him over this decade, it's quite a lot of thought) I always imagined him lounging on a beach in Florida, drinking a chilled Mai-Tai, interspersed with breaks for golf. Except now it turns out he was hanging in Abbottabad, drinking Kehwa with the locals, not a bikini-clad babe in sight. How random is that?

As I was telling my minion on the way over to work this morning, it feels strange to be Osama-less. Sort of like losing a relative you didn't really like. Uncle Osama was a crabby, annoying nuisance but his absence leaves a hole in your life. And Osamaji, leaves a pretty big void. He's been the black sheep in Pakistan's extended family for a while now, but such an exciting one. Without stories of his exploits, what will we gossip about now?

And more importantly, what excuse will our friendly-tyrant use to terrorize us with now? Over a decade now, we've had to suffer 'Osama-this' and 'Al-Qaeda-that' as Amreeki military bases proliferated in the region. What, one wonders, does Osama's death mean? No more terrorism? Lots more retaliatory terrorism? Or nothing at all?

Whatever it means geo-politically, personally it feels interestingly disconcerting. Almost what I'd feel like if someone told me that a drone attack in the North Pole had killed Santa Claus. Due to unfortunate religious differences, he never brought me any presents (Santa), but I suspect I'd still feel somewhat betrayed. Just like an evil Santa, from 2001 to 2011, Osama has been a part of my formative years. And now he's gone, in the space of one day, with no fanfare whatsoever, and we find out about his death in a dry statement to the 'nation' (American, but I suppose as an almost-colony we sortoff count too).

And as I listen to people all around me talking about this, my first (and most pressing) reaction is: 'Abbottabad?! What an anti-climax!'


Anonymous said...

I know, what a loser right? Abbotabad? There's nothing there. I mean, there's probably not a single Italian restaurant. There's nowhere to shop, and whatever speakeasy exists probably doesn't know how to make a margarita. If I were Bin Laden, and I absolutely *had* to stay in Pakistan, I'd be living out my semi-retirement partying with westernized, freshly minted grad school chicks in Lahore. Or maybe Karachi.

Roshni said...

^ lol.
America's been using "osama bin ladin" as an excuse to play games since last ten years..For all we know, he could've been dead years ago and they just aired it now.. Either ways, Osama tau chall gaya..ab amreeki patta ni kab jayein ge..

How do we know said...

oh.. here is the Other's take on what happens now. I shudder to think, but he seems to be really close to reality. Pakistan will now be pseudo administered by the US, to "protect" you from the "retaliatory terrorism" , "for your own good." .. horrible to even imagine.. but what to do.. the only sector of American economy still above water is the arms sector.. have to keep THAT afloat.. Geez.. even thinking abt it is SCARY..

Anonymous said...

Ohhhh, look at Roshni, what a great critical thinker. Not that that's going to be needed in medicine. Anyway, if UBL *were* to party in Miami, would he
A. *bring* hot chicks from, say, khyber-paktunwalia, and have them wear bikinis?
B. Have american(ized) af-pak chicks wear bikinis?
C. Just party with whatever girls were already in Miami?
D. *import* girls from Russia, via Dubai?
E. Have any of the above girls, but have them *not* wear bikinis, and instead be fully covered up, or at least wear a dupatta?
F. Have a *no girls allowed* retreat, and instead watch porn and sip cocktails with an invite-only guest list, which inlcuded the likes of Donald Rumsfeld and Dick Cheney?

Shafeenaaz said...

Loved this post Xeb! My one take on it is...Obama and Osama rhymed so well...what now?? How to fill the void??