October 17, 2010

Another quick-trip down to Karachi, another weekend gone by so quickly I never registered it was ever there, and another godforsaken Monday tomorrow. I've been busy talking, in Karachi. All I did for two days was meet people, and ask them questions. It's fatiguing, this interview-business. Wears you out. So does too-many days spent in the bosom of one's family. It occurs to me that the longer I live away from the nearest-and-dearest, the more inclined I am to maintain a civilized distance. It also dawns upon me that for some reason my family thinks of my decision to live alone in Islamabad as some sort of funny personality quirk I am sure to outgrow. Somehow, it seems as if they're convinced this is only temporary, and either by virtue of marriage or by returning home I will (sooner, rather than later) move out of solitary confinement into eager familial arms. Maybe it 'is' just a phase, but the thought is making me shudder.

Naturally Karachi brought with it yet another prospective suitor. I think I've become quite the professional at meet-your-future-husband conversations. They're no longer quite as stilted as I remember. In fact, this last one was fairly comfortable exercise and while I am convinced we would not suit, I believe it was not an altogether unpleasant cup of coffee.

What continues to be unpleasant, however, is how my family seeks to remind me (over-and-over) again that the one-who-got-away has subsequently cast his eye on a lucky girl in Dhaka, who he's going to be marrying next month. The grandmother is at pains to inform me (and everyone within a 10 mile hearing radius) that this 'should' have been me. She reminds me that 'M' was quite madly in love with me (delirious, almost) and that a girl should always marry a man who loves her more than she loves him. Good advice, I admit, but fairly useless given that the option of marrying M died almost two years ago while I was still in NY. The way that the grandmother (and assorted aunts-once-removed) commiserate with me over M's impending marriage it's almost as if I am the forsaken one in this equation. I tell them (with a marked degree of impatience) that 'he' wanted to marry 'me'. Had the situation been reversed, perhaps I would not be sitting there listening to them whine about how I am still single. And even though there was nothing really wrong with him, there was nothing 'right' either and I maintain that I was/am/will-always-be perfectly justified in making a choice that was mine to begin with. But despite that, I find I still have to defend myself two frikking years later.

Honestly M, you're a nice guy and all, but right now your existence is a royal nuisance. And I sincerely hope that after you get married to my second-cousin's brother-in-law's sister's daughter, the chapter of my life with your name (almost-but-not-quite) on it is closed forever and ever. Amen.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

"the chapter of my life with your name (almost-but-not-quite) on it is closed forever and ever."

I believe it will never be like this with Saad.Am I right?

Anonymous said...

i had an M too in my life...and i am convinced that we were far from perfect for eachother. but at the end of the day it still freakin sucks that hes so swiftly moved on with his life, while ive managed to be the lone pea in the pod getting everyones pity. it sucks...how long can i pretend not being affected. the heart sucks- knowing that smthing isnt right for u but still managing to hurt.

Elizabeth said...

I've been a lurker on your blog for a while. I think it's lovely.

@Mr.Anonymous : You're horrible - can't you let her be?

Xeb said...

Ah, Saadonymous. What a one-track mind yours is. But to answer your question, your belief is wrong.

Anon2: I'm not in the least bit hurt, although I did wonder for a while whether I'd made the right decision particularly given the extreme eagerness of those around me. I think I have, I'm sure you have too :)

E: Welcome,and thank you :)

Anon3 said...

Story of my life, I tell you. Story of my life!!

Anonymous said...

How does ur grandma know that he was madly in love with you? Did he tell her that or did you?

Xeb said...

Anon(4?): She assumes he was because his parents told her so. And once my grandmother assumes something, well you'd have to know her to understand how completely unshakeable her belief is. Poor M may have felt nothing of the sort, but dadi has decided his fate as surely as she wants to decide mine! :P

Anonymous said...

Don't worry, I'm not Annoying Anon :) Your Grandma's entertaining. I like her. So, out of curiosity, what is poor M's fate?

Xeb said...

M is going to be happily-married to the girl-from-Dhaka. And they will live happily ever after. I on the other hand will have to keep defending my decision long after their third child goes to university.

Oh-well. Such is the way of this cruel, cruel world!

Elizabeth said...

You seem sure about what you want, I don't want to be intrusive but what is it exactly that you are looking for and how are you able to gauge in such a short (over a cup of coffee?) time if the person is worth pursuing?

Xeb said...

E: I don't have the foggiest idea about what I want! :P I just assume (hopefully correctly so) that when I come across what I want (to pursue) I will know. If there is no interest beyond cup of coffee, then there its not likely a marriage will be very fruitful. I think. But I could be wrong ofcourse....

Aneela Z said...

You do know Xeb I will be now prowling all the Shaadi Shamianas of Dhaka considering I live vicariously through the happenings in your life!!
Chalo jo bhee hai khush rahey

Xeb said...

A: If you do happen across this wedding (groom has gorgeous green eyes, if you need a reference point) let me know how it was! :P