October 23, 2010

And so I did what I always do when hurt threatens to drag me under: I called in reinforcements. Mommy's used to talking to me at 7:00am, but not - I admit - when I'm bawling my eyes out pretending to have a cold. I told her the whole story, from the beginning to the end (admittedly, it didn't take very long) and when it was over she told me a story which made me laugh (and cry a little more) because it's one we've both heard so many times from my grandfather. The story she told me, goes something like this:
"Once upon a time, there was a very worthy young man. And as all worthy young men are, perhaps, this man was very conscious of his worth. He knew that he stood tall, was handsome, was built-well, had money - and although he was not conceited about it (perish the thought) he knew what a valuable commodity he was. When the time came (as time often does) for the young-man to get married, he was shown many women of all shapes and sizes. He turned them down, one after the other because he was adamant that he would not settle for anything less than his ideal. And so he searched through a mountain of women looking here, looking there, looking everywhere and rejecting all of them one-by-one. He was at the search for a long time, until suddenly he found her: his ideal. He was overjoyed, and convinced that 'this' was what his mission had been all about. She was perfect in every way, exactly what he had been searching for. He celebrated with his family, and his friends, and the next day he went to her house with a marriage-proposal. A few hours later, our worthy friend returned without the bride. Anxious friends gathered around him wanted to know what happened: was she not, as he had thought, his ideal? The worthy young man looked rather like the ground had shifted beneath his feet, but when pressed for an answer he replied: "She really was my ideal in every way. The only trouble was, I was not hers."

And so another chapter of my life can be bundled into one of dada's stories. One I hear nearly every-time a marital misadventure occurs, but not, I admit, from this unique perspective. The moral, says mommy, is what dadi keeps saying (but everyone ignores her because she keeps saying a 'lot' of things): It is always wiser to be somebody else's ideal, rather than turn him down because he is not yours. I suppose eventually stupid-girl-in-the-story will figure it out too. Or maybe not.

An-hour-or-so of mommy-time later, I still hurt, but atleast I no longer have a cold. What I 'do' have, I realize, is the current Mr Pan who may not be who I was waiting for, but who is quite prepared to be at my disposal and tell me I'm gorgeous. And since deep emotional connections just ricocheted to hit me on the head, I suppose I may as well enjoy the fact that as he dances attendance on me, he's good eye-candy.

As I said, it's really all about scotch-tape, and easy pick-me-ups, as we try figure out what happens next. But I'll keep you posted. *sigh*


Anonymous said...

Marry the man who treats you like a queen, thats the most important thing instead of any checklist you may have in your head.

Two passionate but short lived romances later thats what I've learned. Currently I'm in the relation with such a man and whilst there were no goose bumps and sillyness in the start, there was steady maturity which has now given way to love and understanding and i-cant-believe-i-am-married-to-someone-who-will-relocate-for-me yumminess. He actually thinks I light up his life....and instead of worshipping someone else (and being in conflict with yourself for doing so) I am more steady paced and mature in this relationship

and yes, the butterflies and goosebumps came too ;)

fatima- said...


they say cheklists r useless-

ordered-chaos said...

Everything usually comes unto expectations if given time, perversely nothing does by the same standard top. I say stop thinking and if he's eye candy just take him ,in the end que sera sera rules anyways

Xeb said...

Anon: Oddly enough, this time the whole goosebumps and silliness objection was not mine. But oh-well, this too was bound to happen I suppose.

f: I don't have a checklist. And even if I did, I doubt I'd stick with it! :P

o-c: *hehe* I think it's about time I started thinking. I'm tired of Peter Pans, just between you and I. But right now, yesterday's ego-bashing, I could use the admiration. :)

Anonymous said...

What i actually want is a guy i love so much that the checklist just doesn't matter..

shahrukh said...

The life of a firecracker is short lived.

Babar said...

Why it has to be about looking for some ideal, being worthy or having someone of worth. I thought it could simply be about love.

Xeb said...

Anon: Me too (Amen),

s: But what a glorious life it is. No?

B: So did I :) I'm coming to the conclusion I may be wrong.

L said...

Checklists and peter pans are there to confuse you.
They are there, and then not. The checklist keeps on changing, and peter pans run after neverland.
What we're left with is eyecandies but not peter pans.
To fall or not?

shahrukh said...

Next time skip the tape and stick to the scotch. You'll have something else to focus on the next morning besides the "oh so close not to be rishta mishap."

On another note, really admire you for leaving yourself out there for everyone to read. Takes a lot of balls and self confidence to do so. Make sure the next prospect won't stifle that enthusiasm and creativity. If so, we'll miss you.

shahrukh said...

Nah, went for the butterflies in tummy and firecracker of the experience and got burnt. Switched to goodness of the heart and looked at her mum and sis and found a friend and a new family, and here we are 14 years later with 2 kids and 2 dogs and very content with life. Not many firecrackers that I can recall after 14 years. But, the day my 1st born came into this earth is etched in my mind forever.

Xeb said...

L: It's hard on your knees, when you fall. The smart thing to do, I'm coming to the conclusion, is to cushion yourself from all around. Peter Pans and imaginary checklists make good buffers. Distraction, is good for pain. (sigh)

s: I'm off scotch (and other similar substances) unfortunately, tape is all I have. Pity-that.

I don't know why you think it takes courage to blog. For me, it started out as yet another distraction. Now its become a somewhat instinctive part of my personality. Other people would get on the phone and call up their best friends. I blog. For me it's actually easier, because this way I don't open up to any single person, and am therefore not vulnerable to (or dependent on) any single person for comfort. Some people (specially those who used to be closer to me) think its the ultimate cop out. I'm not sure what it is, but I know for a fact that it's not courage that makes me put myself out there for you to read. Or that's not the primary purpose, anyway.

I'm happy for you. And I envy you! :) But in this particular case I was not the one hanging out for explosives, it was the other guy. In case I didn't make it clear, I'm the forsaken one. All your advice (and it's good advice) should be going to him instead! :P

Lonely Perverted Soul said...

I get you... *thats it i guess*... Let me know when u get married or something... :P