August 19, 2010

I just got bitched-out by people-who-know-these-things for being an ungrateful soul who does not deserve good things to happen to her. According to said persons, I am going to have to learn that things cannot always be my way, and that compromises are in order in every situation. That I am growing older but regrettably not wiser is a source of much consternation. In life, say the wise, one must learn to be a little risk averse else before one knows it every single good thing in my life will be swept away while I wait for something-better to come along. So before my personal flood destroys whatever little remains in my unhappy, unfulfilled, wretched life, I must-I must-I must pick-someone-suitable-and-get-married-already.

I'm tempted to turn around and tell them I've recently stepped out of the closet and I will only get married once the Government of Pakistan recognizes my legal right to do so. Except I'm a little afraid that's all they need to hear before they take the authority vested in them by the law of the land and do awful things to me. So I smile at the lectures, and the recriminations, and the unsolicited advice and I forbear from telling them that they have no right whatsoever to tell me what to do. They are not my parents, or my siblings, or anything other than distant relatives with no other claim to fame aside from this assumed responsibility they have for my wellbeing.

And while I understand that Ramzan is the time for good deeds and all, I wish they would understand I'm not a child, and I'm not scared of commitment. I'm not rejecting people because I LIKE rejecting them. Hell I hate rejecting them. I'm scared (more than them probably) that the next one may not come along and then I'll have to listen to those-who-care harp on about my wretched existence forever and ever. I don't like being mean, or rude, or making anyone else feel not-good-enough because the truth is, cliches aside, it really always IS me. I'm flattered (who wouldn't be) by all the attention and I'm glad that people still think I'm an opportunity worth exploring (despite the advanced age and all) but the truth is I'm hanging out for someone who doesn't really exist right now except in my head.

I'm waiting for a moment when it feels 'right' to commit to spending the rest of my life with someone. And when I do meet that particular person, I promise you I will not waste another moment dithering, and speculating and wondering what-comes-next. I will take his hand and walk off into the sunset with him (or the blizzard, as the case may be) But until then, I will wait (and whine) because there is nothing else I would rather do. So there you have it, I've made my decision. I 'am' going to get married eventually (shukar ki namaz parh lein ji) , and I'm no longer interested in amusing myself with in-betweeners (doh nafl aur please), but I'm going to do this on my own terms, like I've done everything else. And if in doing that I run the risk of being sad, old and lonely, well then darlings, it's my risk to take.

Haina? :)

43 comments:

Ubaid said...

Firstly - Ignore what others say (although mujhey yeh kehnay ki zarurat nahi :p)

Secondly - YAYYYY I so like your modesty, and I hope you finally find your guy :)

Thrid - lets talk business MISSY!! Well you know am running event management :p so you can get your advance booking done for your wedding, we cater events outside lahore too; offering excellent cuisine, themed wedding and oh yeah lots of party-able environment

Enough said :p

Anonymous said...

i love you.

Xeb said...

UB: Haha, theek hai. You keep your fingers crossed that I find the boy I'm looking for. And when I do you can throw my wedding party for me! :) Deal?

Anon: Somehow, this would make a lot more sense if I knew who you were! :P

Ubaid said...

DEAL!!

do we get a chance to criticize about your selection? :p

Xeb said...

Haha, not if you still want to throw me a wedding party! :P

Ubaid said...

Hehe, chalo then I'll keep my comments to my self :D

but will mail you a letter about him after all the payments are done :d

Xeb said...

Hehe. Smart boy. :P

Thoth said...

girl whadizup yo. Yo been actin crazy in dis hood yo. Yo relax yo.

good to take risks yo. BTW whats happening you been turning 180 degrees in every recent post.
Wish you be cool.
Much love.

Xeb said...

T: I have, haven't I? What can I do, this country drives me nuts. Nuts-nuts-nuts!

Thoth said...

well you and i both know that its nothin worth frettin over now, don't we.

Plus i want the law to not recognize a marriage unless both the participants are below 30. But hey thats just me.

Xeb said...

Hehe, I'd second you on that one, but I have no idea what they will say if I remain single past 30. Already I'm on the wrong side of 25, as far as they're concerned. I get riled up because I'm not used to the hounding. The first time my dad ever bought up the subject of my marriage (the importance of) was when I was 26. Ironically this was a month before he died, so he never really spoke to me about it again. Instead every other well wisher seems to now think that the ONE good thing they can do for my family is to find me a man-to-marry. Which would be fine (some help would not be a bad thing given that our ambitions are not all that different) except along with the help come the pressure to just accept the next boy and be done with it. As if it's all about getting the nikah signed, everything else is secondary.

(And there I go again. Seriously, maybe I should get a muzzle for myself now. Sigh)

Thot said...

People talk. Doesn't change a thing. End of discussion. You be good now.
And whats with all these sudden outbursts. Since when has there been something on?

Xeb said...

Err, what 'something' are you referring to? Nothing is on. And the outbursts are never sudden, a constant stream of them have been coming forth ever since I returned to the motherland! :P

It's okay, I shall persevere and someone I can live with (literally) will come my way eventually :)

T said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=np7TlcXSYyw

The One you dreamt of said...

Would u kindly tell what kind of person u seek ? wch shld be ideal in ur eyes ? elaborate it please

Anonymous said...

I sympathize and empathize. Completely. Also, I have three words: Australia kay Jungle. Hehe!:)

-
Saadia

Anonymous said...

Xeb, why don't you opt for an arranged marriage? Pick one of those suitors your well-wishers are so pleased to suggest to you and marry off. You know i dont think it will be such a bad option, who knows, maybe your prince charming or the one is meant to meet you in an arranged meeting. Really, give it a thought. It may sound scary to marry a stranger but then again it also sounds intriguing to discover the person throughout your life time- learn something everyday. I dunno. sounds cool to me.

Anonymous said...

People should mind their own business and let others live their lives the way they want.

Xeb said...

T: Point well taken! :)

The-One: I haven't the foggiest idea! All I know is, I'll know him when I meet him :)

S: Dekho toh zara, jungle-on main bhi, raaste toh hain, humain bhi koii, mil hi jaye ga... - viva la Australia! :P

Anon: Hehe maybe I will. Not just yet though. Maybe by my next birthday your advice (and my well-wishers) will begin to make perfect sense to me and I'll marry the next man I meet. :)

Anon2: That they should. Sigh.

Anonymous said...

Amen to your post...you have no idea hon, how much I relate. But the problem with interfering 8th cousins (exaggerating but hey, what difference does it make) is that they can't get their nose where it belongs. Argh, I hate their arrogance, they even have the balls to tell me I'm not good enough for those so-called casanova shitheads they keep asking me for.

Xeb said...

Haha, don't ever let them tell you you're not good enough. I take a lot of crap, but I draw the line at that.

Lonely Perverted Soul said...

I thot u were supposed to reject the in-betweeners always.. :P Anyways.. its good that u have realized it now... :) Btw age doesn't matter.... I mean atleast to me... And no im not hitting on u again... :P

Just good luck with Someone special for you.... :) and hope u find someone for me too...

Rabia said...

I hear u sister! My mom constantly goes on about how u and I are the only single ones left!

then she kicks my ass about how I never like anyone and what the hell im looking for. apparently we can't be picky at our age anymore. my dad didn't used to say anything either until this year (i'm getting too close to 30 for their liking now).

problem is that i don't like people mainly because i never think that they will accept me for who I really am (which i really haven't figured out myself). and most of the time they don't. strangely people seem to dislike us for all the things that we have worked so hard for, for all the things that we are proud of.

i think u should revisit that coming out of the closet strategy. u want to be my lover? although if this union is to succeed u are going to have to pick up after urself cause u know how i hate a mess. but since i hate cooking more, u can cook and ill clean.

kay-without a tee! said...

That is ditto my story.....
Im planning to get married to someone who is equally marriage-phobic and have a live-in relationship. Another idea is to have a quickie marriage and then divorce. Nobody bothers a divorced woman!

Deepak Iyer said...

Things are getting pretty interesting .. I can't wait to see the season finale!! [:P]

Anonymous said...

Ah, the sad story of my life. I see me and a few other single friends nodding our heads while reading this. I think the subcontinent needs to go easy on desi women and believe that they can have a life with or without a man in their lives.

Xeb said...

LPS: In-betweeners were fun! :P Gives you something to do while you wait.

Rabz: Babe even though I love you, I cannot step out of the closet with anyone who makes me clean/cook! :P Defeats the whole purpose, does it not?

k: *hehe* That's not a bad idea waisay! :P

D: Stay tuned Deepak, Stay tuned! :)

Anon: They really do need to go easy on us. Truth is, they don't understand that our end goal (and theres) is often the same. The approach is different though, and that much flexibility we have GOT to have. Nai?

Deepak Iyer said...

"and theres" ?
The only ones going to be behind you are the Grammar Taliban.

Xeb said...

Whoops! :P

kay-without a tee! said...

HAHAHAH @ Grammar Taliban!

TwithoutanHorOanddefinitelywithoutTandH said...

These people. They just can't leave you alone.

kay-without a tee! said...

a bigger LOL @ THOT!!! that was ingenious! :D

Vagabond said...

Hahaha I was out of town for a meeting and so there was alot of catching up to do on the blogosphere. I just read this post of yours. And, woman, trust me, it made my lazy monday morning haha, especially with the comment thread.

I had made a resolution, once upon a time- not to enter my 30s single. I keep reminding myself that. This will help me settle down with the first woman I meet on the day before my 30th birthday, which I am actually dreading now. Maybe you should try something similar.


And for all those irrelevant people, trying to acquire some relevance by giving unwanted advice, I'd suggest, just nod your head to everything they say in affirmation, go with the flow and do what YOU want. It works for me and thats how I am able to put everyone else in the background, with only myself everywhere (With the 'Dil Chata Hai' soundtrack playing in the). Yeah I know. Narcissim, much:P And quite honestly, I pity the woman who ends up with me. So yeah, I'll delay it as much as I can, to put her through less torture.

Xeb said...

Haha, sounds like a plan. How long do you have before you turn 30?

Vagabond said...

Ohh, I still have quite a few years to go. A eurotrip before that, a meeting with Dalai Lama (living for atleast 6 months as his disciple with my head shaved, wraped in an unstitched maroon cloth), and a week through a rain forest somewhere, Costa Rica perhaps...

Wow, I just read what I wrote and..umm. Lets see haha. I havent heard of/known a woman who'd be down for all that I have mentioned. So yeah, I need to complete atleast half of these things before 30. Hehe

kay-without a tee! said...

Im up for the trip to Dalai Lama and a week thru a rain forest. Im also up for camping on the North Pole, if you'd accompany me.....but I'm still not going to get married after that. Freaks me out like nothing else!

Vagabond said...

Then, I'd say, you're a classic case of Gamophobia. If you've touched mid 20s and you still feel so phobic to the institution of marriage, then I think you and Xeb's distant relatives need to have coffee together. Maybe that'd help, like its subliminally helping Xeb:P

And yeah, we can certainly make our great escape, if you let me exclude North Pole : )

Xeb said...

*ahem*

Carry-on, Carry-on. This is just beginning to get interesting! :P

Vagabond said...

Nay. The post is about you Xeb, your forthcoming nuptial adventures and your family's perseverant endeavours regarding the issue. Hehe..
I would not want to steal your thunder, on the comment section of your own blog:P

Xeb said...

Far be it for me to obstruct the path of romantic adventure. Carry on kids! I shall live vicariously and be happy! ;)

Vagabond said...

With growling stomach, cant even think of a proper retort to that:P I'll wait till iftari, I guess.

Rakhi said...

Xebi baby, you go GIRL! LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this post! And wanna let you know that there's at least one more woman in the same stillettoes as you! :) So no risk of being lonely or sad. Old is a high possibility though. ;)
Best!

Xeb said...

R: Haha, thanks for the encouragement! :P