I'm tempted to turn around and tell them I've recently stepped out of the closet and I will only get married once the Government of Pakistan recognizes my legal right to do so. Except I'm a little afraid that's all they need to hear before they take the authority vested in them by the law of the land and do awful things to me. So I smile at the lectures, and the recriminations, and the unsolicited advice and I forbear from telling them that they have no right whatsoever to tell me what to do. They are not my parents, or my siblings, or anything other than distant relatives with no other claim to fame aside from this assumed responsibility they have for my wellbeing.
And while I understand that Ramzan is the time for good deeds and all, I wish they would understand I'm not a child, and I'm not scared of commitment. I'm not rejecting people because I LIKE rejecting them. Hell I hate rejecting them. I'm scared (more than them probably) that the next one may not come along and then I'll have to listen to those-who-care harp on about my wretched existence forever and ever. I don't like being mean, or rude, or making anyone else feel not-good-enough because the truth is, cliches aside, it really always IS me. I'm flattered (who wouldn't be) by all the attention and I'm glad that people still think I'm an opportunity worth exploring (despite the advanced age and all) but the truth is I'm hanging out for someone who doesn't really exist right now except in my head.
I'm waiting for a moment when it feels 'right' to commit to spending the rest of my life with someone. And when I do meet that particular person, I promise you I will not waste another moment dithering, and speculating and wondering what-comes-next. I will take his hand and walk off into the sunset with him (or the blizzard, as the case may be) But until then, I will wait (and whine) because there is nothing else I would rather do. So there you have it, I've made my decision. I 'am' going to get married eventually (shukar ki namaz parh lein ji) , and I'm no longer interested in amusing myself with in-betweeners (doh nafl aur please), but I'm going to do this on my own terms, like I've done everything else. And if in doing that I run the risk of being sad, old and lonely, well then darlings, it's my risk to take.