August 31, 2010
I hate dreaming. If there was something I could take before bed to ensure I would sleep-like-the-dead, I'd swallow gallons of it. I hate my dreams, because they're so-fucking-happy, reality feels morbid in comparison.I hate waking up knowing that a part of me just wants to close my eyes, and just keep dreaming. What is fucked-up is that people are usually afraid of nightmares, but not I. Maybe boid is right (he usually always is, unfortunately). People like me, we're actually terrified of being happy. We're afraid that 'when' (not-if) it all goes away we'll end up worse off than before. So let's just make a career out of being miserable, atleast there is some sort of permanence in that. Kis ko chahiye transient happiness? Fuck it, I say. Let's dig up some more sorrows to celebrate shall we? Choro dreams, let's all just embrace the nightmare. Give me the blood and gore, and the monster-under-my-bed. Anything is better, than the monsters-in-my-head.