July 9, 2010

I want to write (I do) but I'm stuck with inconvenient writer's block. I cancel out on best-laid plans at the very last second and choose to stay home instead. I'm all dressed up, with oodles of mascara, but I'm not interested in going anywhere. Except maybe to bed. On a Friday night. What is wrong with me? Why am I not, as I was supposed to be, watching the Tom Cruise movie in the cinema? Or why am I not, as I could have been, at Nandos with the rest of the crew? Or failing that, why am I not (as I said I would, if I could) out having coffee with a friend?

Instead I'm playing hermit. And what worries me is that I like it. That all I want to do right now is wash all the gop off my face, take off my lenses and just go to sleep. And then I want to do the same thing again tomorrow night, and Sunday also maybe. I don't want to go meet a bunch of random strangers and talk a lot about inconsequential things. I don't want to go for the get-together in Bani Gala, or the Soccer Finals bash at a random persons house. I don't want to go to sleazy parties (truth-be-told, I'm all sleazed out). I don't want sheesha (don't want cancer either), and I don't particularly want coffee (or any other assorted caffeine substitute).

I just want to be alone for a while. Alone to think without having to talk. Without having to smile (when I don't want to), laugh (a little too loudly) or entertain (demanding) company. I'm exhausted with social drama, and for this weekend, if the world outside will let me, I just want to 'be'.

8 comments:

Deepak Iyer said...

Welcome to the light side .. for this weekend.

refnulf said...

If you regularly go out (which it seems you do!) then taking a weekend off is hardly hermetic.

Besides, it can be invigorating, and your reasons for staying at home are pretty sane.

Grab some popcorn and watch all your favourite flicks, with butter/salt/coke dripping onto your pjs or your quilt or bed spread.

Seriously, spoil yourself this weekend.

Rabia said...

Go to Nirvana and get a nice relaxing massage. have all the stress rubbed the hell out of you. or get a mani, pedi or facial and pamper yourself a little.

Anonymous said...

Have fun :)

Lonely Perverted Soul said...

You know i have realized lately that a true friend is that who lets u be... With whom u can just stay quiet for hours without having to say anything...You just take comfort in the fact that someone is there... You shud find one of those...

watercolor said...

This is a good place to be - when you are ready to be still and just be the whole universe comes to you.

drama queen said...

i've been in that place for the past one month. its too comforting. not having to talk, pretend or even think too much for that matter. it doesnt stay for too long. you have to do what needs to be done after a while. enjoy it while it last :)

mehreenkasana said...

sigh.