March 15, 2010

You play with my mind like a nasty little boy plays with flies: pulling off their wings one-by-one and watching them wiggle all over the floor.

I once compared you to Peter Pan, and understood completely how Wendy got sick of never-neverland, decided to fuck-it-all and just grow up. But for-all-his-faults, Peter 'loved' Wendy. In his childish way he manouvered spacio-temporal realities and then took her with him to where he lived, where he gave her all he had to give. Perhaps it wasn't his fault he truly had no more to offer. And perhaps it wasn't his fault that he didn't understand that the things that made him happy just made her heart ache from wanting more.

And that's when it struck me: If you're Peter Pan, I'm not really your Wendy (though I'm all grow'd up when I don't want to be). For you, I'm Tinkerbell. You would be happy to have me there when you beckon only to disappear (in a cloud of magic dust) if you're otherwise occupied (with Wendy you know).

It occurs to me Peter darling that you're very lucky that I'm not really a fairy named Tinkerbell. Now that I've finally (yes, I'm a bit of a dimwit) figured it out, I don't like what you're doing. When I walked out of your life, you would be much better off just letting me stay out. Because I promise you, If you make even one more move to drag me back into the miasma I just (somewhat painfully) emerged from, I'm going to take my bag of magic dust and turn you into a frog so repulsive that nobody will ever kiss you and make you whole again.

This fairy tale, my loves, absolutely cannot feature Xeb. When initially offered the role, I naturally assumed I was going to be the star of this show. However, a cheap, floozy sidekick (who gets kicked around by a little boy she has the misfortune to love) I will not be.


Comprende?

11 comments:

Nahl said...

You write amazingly well. And I love your header!
And and and...I am not an attention seeker!

Xeb said...

N: Welcome! And thank you! :)

Ps: We're all attention-seekers. It's the nature of the beast I'm afraid.

Anonymous said...

xeb just pack ur bags, take the Daewoo and barge into his house. if the bitch complains tell her to fit in or fuck off!

Xeb said...

Annoying Anon: As usual you decide context based on what little (mis)information you have. And as usual, I fight the urge to restrict my blog of your kind, except there are a few (non-annoying ones) that I kinda like. So basically, go away.

Anonymous said...

that was so mean!!!!

Xeb said...

Yes it was.

Anonymous said...

I can so relate to this.... and like the true magician that you are your words make me smile so hard it should be illegal to be this happy over one blogpost... =)keep writing and shoo you Annoying Anon you're giving us all a bad name...

noone said...

aawww
may you sort out this one truly and peacefully
One advice: Once decision is taken, dont re-question yourself going forward cuz situations do arise when u r forced to re-think over and over again

Anonymous said...

That peter pan entry of yours is still so fresh in my mind after all these years, your relation to it just brought few memories back...
Do Comprende!!!

Xeb said...

Err, what Peter Pan entry?

jammie said...

i think having had the fortune (mis) of knowing a peter pan type allows me the leeway to say be careful- these pp types are too charming for their own good- and they revel in your nature of wanting to fix so it becomes a cycle. :) been there, neverfixed that- got out just in time. wonderfully written! brought back relieved memories of personal escape