January 11, 2010

The beginnings of a new relationship are so strange, are-they-not? Strange and somewhat tedious. All that senseless dithering, speculating about the hidden meanings behind actions and intentions behind words. It's an appealing miasma, but a miasma it be: this process of discovering, assessing, evaluating another human being. On so many levels the calculations start though completely unbidden. Even the most cynical of us wonder if 'this-one-time' will be an exception, and in that wondering drive ourselves mad. The most unnerving thing, I think, of this (inevitable) process is the tedious wait. The wait till he calls. The wait till he says what you think he should be saying. The wait while you wonder if what you're inferring in is actual fact what he is saying. The wait while you figure out if you're reading the signals right. The wait while you figure out if this is what you want after all...

5 comments:

Annie said...

ah, so true... but love it and cherish it cause once you are in it and saying I love you becomes more of a habit than anything else, you miss these head-fucky times :)

Xeb said...

Haha, mind-fuck is right. Truth be told I think I've lost all patience for it. I give up (and move on) wayyy faster than I ever used to.

Annie said...

You. Me and a million others, my love...

pi said...

"The wait while you figure out if this is what you want after all.."

so true..so so true..i think very rarely do you really know what you really really want.

Xeb said...

True. Or, in my case, what you don't want.