December 16, 2009

So I has been asked to be one of three panelists for a talk show on US-PAK relations. I have no idea why I am being called upon to do this, given that my co-panelists include MNAs and such-like. But they asked, and I dithered, then they asked again, and I gave in.

Point being, when I initially consented to the interview the most pressing worry on my mind was (naturally) what to wear. However just now - while mentally tossing on and off nearly everything in my wardrobe - a more concerning worry just hit me.

It occurs to me that while 'talking' about US-PAK relations on national television, I may just find myself caught between a rock and a hard place. If I display exuberant friendliness vis-a-vis the Amreeki gang, I may just be placed on our local Talibani to-bomb list. Assuming I take an anti-Amreekan stance I may just be placed on the Embassy blacklist doomed never to see Manhattan again.

I have no idea which be worse: potential death-a'la-Taliban or never-to-return-to-Manhattan. I suspect that both possibilities may be very-very painful.

So now I have two equally concerning things to worry about:

1. What to wear? 2. What to say?

Ideas, anyone?


brok3n said...

Pro America? =( ...You need to go back to Manhattan <33 ...
Keeping that aside.. I think you should just be honest about whatever the host brings up...You'll be fineee!
And wear..well considering you'll be sitting down the bottom doesn't matter much as it won't be seen..haha... just wear a nice top. A nicer top than the bottom I mean - that's ofcourse if you're not wearing shalwar kameez. Otherwise wear the same shalwar as the kameez.. nahi tau dodgy lag sakta hai ^.^

heewa said...

wear the ego thing you've worn in some pictures youve put up on fb. it looks really nice on you :D
and id second the advice up there, be yourself. there are pros and cons on either side and im sure you're very well aware of them :)

S. said...

What to wear? Something that says "i'm a professional and i know what i'm talking about"....ego is a good option. Or a black blazer with a conservative top and pants?

What to say? The two other panelists obviously will be from opposite ends of the spectrum, and will have strong opinions. Like all talk shows, they want you to because they need a "youth" opinion....something that appeals to the larger, more verbal, audience. So maybe you should just say what you feel, without attaching yourself to one side. Stay non-partisan. Nod and smile. Play the devil's advocate every once in a while. And disagree with any extremist or generalizing comments. :D
And put up the video after! Good luck!

Deepak Iyer said...

What to wear ? Assuming -- if S is right -- that other panelists are going to be extremists, then 'I'm with stupid' t-shirt.

What to say ? This should be so easy. Wonder how you haven't figured it out yet.
To fulfill your 2 goals, the only answer is -- blame India [;)]

Lonely Perverted Soul said...

Definitely wear black... Say watever's on your mind... And message me the timings of the show.. i may just wana see it... :D

ibteda said...

Taliban wont kill ya! But just to be on the safe side - blame government.
Tell them U.S. has a say in Paki matters cause THEY are too weak to resist & that Bibi wouldn't be back in Pak if she hadn't been seeking American help & that world politics is all about exploitation & they cant blame U.S. for exploiting if we are such willing victims.
Plus throw in a but about how our leaders work for their OWN good instead of the country's and are thus make greats pawns in power politics.
Ofcourse Kerry Lugar bill wil arise - again blame the gov ;) U.S. would ofcourse have restrictions cause of the way we treated the last batch of aid - If our Gov is okay with something that goes against one institution of the state (The military) then THEY are the ones giving out the msg that we are a divided nation on every level and U.S. cant be blamed for it.
And grill them for not raising hell on the term Af-Pak.
Ohhhh and ask them what kind of relations they are expecting after their lawyer Kamal Azfar cited CIA as being a threat to the government in Supreme Court. Shoo their claims of ' it was his own persona statement'. He WAS their lawyer afterall.
I could be more comprehend-able but blame the CJ and the laaate decision on my state of mind right now

ibteda said...

I just read the other comments and realized you probably didnt want such a long rant!
Bame the CJ again ;)
It usually is pretty cold in studios so wear something that doesn't just look good, but also keeps you from shivering ;)
And break a leg.

Anonymous said...

You are forgetting the other consequence of being on TV. Rumor has it, Lord V be particularly keen on young TV personalities that are favorable to him :P

Zahid said...

Neither Taliban nor America. Remember the good old lessons taught to you. Trust your heart. Speak the truth. Remember: goodness and that which it flows from never die. Both Taliban and America will. Don't be afraid. You will die when it is your time to die.

etc etc... God bless.

the sheikh said...

I think this calls for a "Xeb Is Going To Be on TV Party"!

We can even have a drinking game!!

Anonymous said...

xeb, I'd suggest:

1. jeans and a pink t-shirt.

2. ....

Xeb said...

b: I think I'll stick to Shalwar Kameez. More socially acceptable and all that. I'm currently going through my lamentably small shalwar kameez stock trying to find appropriately modest garb. Seems like most things I've made recently may not exactly have a TV friendly neckline. Sigh. And yes, I do need to return to Manhattan! :P

h: Which ego thing?! Most of my wardrobe is from there at the moment. The brown one or peach one?Decisions, decisions. :S

S: Assuming I come out of it without sounding like an idiot, I shall put up the video. Else I'm going to be hiding under a rock somewhere until the episode is filed deep in TV Channel archives! :P

D: Hahaha, excellent suggestion. My Indian friends and family may want to take me down after, but it seems to be a safe route to take in the present situation! :P

LPS: Refer to response to 'S' above :)

i: Excellent suggestions. Given the NRO the present government is well on their way out. It won't hurt to give them a couple more (well-deserved) kicks on their backside. The only worry then is if Lord V decides to black magic his stay in office and remain, then I may have yet another worry. Also thanks for studio tip, will grab warm shawl.

Anon: All the more reason for me to 'not' favor Lord V. Not like I could anyway, the gag reflex is too strong to speak kindly of the repulsive creature.

Z: Thanks :P

ts: I say let's do it. My place or yours? :P

Anon2: Pink you say? I say why not? Thereby appropriately setting the stage for Xeb le' Bimbette. Na? :P

the sheikh said...

Well...I'm guessing you'll be on TV while we're playing the drinking game place. You can throw the after party.

We'll drink every time you say "Zardari", "NRO", "America", and "Xebilicious"

Xeb said...

Haha done. I'll see you at my place for the after party then! :P

Anonymous said...

bimbette or bete noir. So hard to decide, xeb! :-)

Nah, I'm sure you'll be fab. Break a leg!

aka. also-anon.. just in case you were wondering.

heewa said...

peach oneeee

Aneela Z said...

Pro US? Pro Pakistan?...ummm why not be pro-India. The amreekans love them and as they keep on telling us the Indians are funding the bearded revolution. So cover all bets sweetheart.
What to wear? Have you seen the Sartoralist image of the hijabi fashionista in Melbourne...wear it in red, blue and white and make the Talibani and the Amreekans happy.

Desert Mystery said...

Be a radical a be Pro-Bangladesh :P