You asked me to marry you. And I turned you down.
And I thought all along that I had the right reasons. That you did not make my heart beat faster when I entered a room. That you were 'too' caring, too solicitous, too willing to let-me-walk-all-over-you. That you were needy, and clingy and that I made you insecure (I've never made anyone insecure, if anything I've been taken for granted on occasion). You put me on a pedestal, I turned you down because I thought you didn't see 'me' just some sort of glorified perception of your female ideal. And as much as I liked you as a person, I couldn't see myself living with you for the rest of my life. And even though everyone (including you) kept telling me this was just a bad-time for me emotionally, and I shouldn't make any rash decisions, I made it anyway, all the while telling myself that I knew what I was doing.
I just read your email.
You asked her to marry you. She said yes. You're engaged now. Soon to be married.
And for the first time since the last-time-I-said-no I'm actually wondering, did I make the right decision? Could I have learned to feel for you what you felt for me? Was I actually being kind (as-I-thought-I-was) in my cruelty when I forced you to stop pursuing me? Was it just a bad time for me? Were you as needy as I thought you were or did I just need more space than I ever have before?
Or am I just behaving like the kid in the candy-store who wants a particular sweet just because someone told him he can't have it any more?