August 29, 2009

A certain Mr. Shams, who randomly adds me to facebook replies to a rather caustic 'do I know you?' with the following message:

"well nt to b lame or anythiing bt v dnt knw each other...i added u cuz i liked ur dp...thts it :) problem hun if u dunt add"

Although he's been 'not-accepted' long since, I have to admit, he gets full points for honesty! :)

I find myself always a little-flattered and therefore not capable of the fierce-kind-of-ire that many of my kind display when we're propositioned purely on the basis of the way we look. It seems only natural, that the outside is evaluated before what's inside will be considered. And I will be the first to admit that I have many-a-times initially rejected person(s) based on what's on the outside, and usually not bothered to re-evaluate my decision. Which-makes-me-a-shallow-kind-of-person, perhaps. But atleast I'm honest.

And in the spirit of honesty - and-baring-this-page-of-my-soul-for-you-to-absorb-at-your-leisure - some 'Do's & Don'ts' for propositioning Xeb:

1. Do be confident. If I sense trepidation I will fight the urge - and-inevitably-lose - to scare you some more and watch you scurry far-far away.

2. Do not be cocky. I detest nothing more than a man who is so assured that he-is-the-deity's-best-creation that he can't be bothered to look in front of him to see how very obviously wrong he be. The natural impulse is to put him down a peg, or ten.

(Point is, my love, there is a fine line between 1 & 2, and I am likely to fall for the man who treads it.)

3. Do hit on me. Shamelessly, if that is what your style be. I enjoy being pursued. It amuses me much-ly to be flirted with. Rest assured, if interested, I will happily flirt-back. If not, well, you lose no points for trying.

(Ofcourse, I lose all patience if you don't understand that 'no' is most assuredly 'no' and will remain 'no' for all of enternity. So please stop being persistent if gently advised of how useless it be.)

4. Do not ever touch me without permission. I am without a doubt one of the most tactile people I know, but I have space issues, which I cannot explain. Uninvited touch, even if it's as pointless (and-as-annoying) as the famous 'poke' sequence from Love Aaj Kal, annoys me immeasurably. And if I am annoyed, you will definitely know.

5. Do give me your undivided attention. My friends liken me to a magpie, they say - and-often-they-exaggerate - that my attention span is small and I'm attracted to shiny things. What they mean to say is that I get easily bored, and even more easily distracted. If you're not willing to capture my attention and keep it (not-entirely-an-easy-task) then you really can't blame me for forgetting your existence. Can you?

6. Do not be easily embarassed. I find that people who are are generally too socially conscious. Too much pandering to society's constructs annoys me. Also as annoying are people who harp on 'appropriate' behavior. If you want conventional, my love, look elsewhere. Thank-you. Good-bye.

7. Do learn how to dance! :) There is much-much I will forgive for the pleasure of dancing with someone who knows what they're doing on the dance-floor.

(Actually, I would forgive quite-a-bit simply for the pleasure of going dancing at-all aaj kal!)

8. Do not lie. Ever. Truth-be-told, you'd be surprised how easy it is to be honest around me.

9. Do not try to impress me. The more you try, the less effect it shall have. Promise! :P

10. Do learn to control your vices. I don't mind vices at-all. I may have mentioned-this-many-a-times but I feel that excessive virtues tend to get tedious on occasion. What I do mind (a lot) is when your vices are allowed to control you.

(Point being: If you're looking this-a-way, my love, the only addiction you may legitimately acquire is 'me' :P)


11. Do not presume familiarity when there is none. You will know when you have been permitted to talk to me about my character, physical characteristics, age bracket, marital status and so on. Until then, please keep your opinions to yourself. You'll find out that I neither want-to-know or am willing to give credence to your opinions until I decide to do so, ergo it may be better for my mood and your health to have-a-care about what you say, and how you say it. :)


12. Do look in the mirror before you plan your approach. I do not deny that I am some-what shallow, but I am - I hope - smart enough not to give good-lucks (etc) any more points than they actually deserve in the grand scheme of things. That said, don't bother approaching me unless you actually have some redeeming qualities that I can unearth (if need be). If you are too old, too young, too desperate, too stupid, too letcherous (etc) you may most definitely want to stay far-far away from me. Thank you.


JDèé said...

Can I add you to facebook too?

APOO said...

Will you 'please' marry me?

Xeb said...

JD: Are you expecting a feature on my blog? :P

Apoo: Hmmm, if you can convince me to, why-not-why-not! :P My mother will tell you that I be very much in the marital market aaj-kal!

JDèé said...

Yes, I am way too low on blogging activity these days and a boost like this won't do any harm.

Xeb said...


JDèé said...

I am taking that as a yes. :P

Bakemono Imo said...

I was going to track you down on FB and write a friend proposal with all the things you asked people not to do. Sadly, there are too many conditions to be met, and hardly worth the effort...



brok3n said...

oooh the 10+1 commandments. Must say they're pretty logical and understandable. You have my nod of approval. lol.

Xeb said...

B: Hi! :)

b: Na? :)

Lonely Perverted Soul said...

Hey so when are we going out? :P
yea i definitely like flirting too... :)

APOO said...

Well, here is reason # 1.

You get to move out of Islamabad and DO NOT have to search for an apartment.

Convinced? :P

Ubaid said...

saray hi shuru ho gayein hain :d

xeb sorry you are just too OLD for me :p :p :p

i hope you understand ;)

Xeb said...

Apoo: Considering how hard I'm trying to live IN Islamabad and not OUT of it like I currently am, that's not too much motivation! :P But do go on, somehow interest may be caught! ;)

UB: Darling, I'm completely out of your league. Age is just one reason why! :P

Deepak Iyer said...

Will you please make fraandship also with me ?

If yes, all I need to do is create a facebook account.

Xeb said...

D: You don't have facebook?!!?!?! OMG! :P

Annie said...


*high five x 12...

Good jaaab!...vell done.