July 26, 2009

A little fishie sent me the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational this morning. This competition asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. And-ze-winners-as-edited-by-Xeb-are:

  • Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

  • Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

  • Intaxication : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

  • Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

  • Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

  • Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

  • Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

  • Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

  • Dopeler effect : The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

  • Beelzebug (n.) : Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

  • Caterpallor ( n.): The colour you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

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Another cool thing The Washington Post did, says to me the fish-who-knows-it-all, is ask their readers to supply alternate meanings for common words. Once again, I present, entirely for your pleasure, my humble selection(s) from amongst the winners:

  • coffee , n. the person upon whom one coughs.

  • abdicate , v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

  • esplanade , v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.

  • willy-nilly , adj. impotent.

  • gargoyle , n. olive-flavored mouthwash.

  • balderdash , n. a rapidly receding hairline.

  • testicle , n. a humorous question on an exam.

  • pokemon , n. a Rastafarian proctologist.

8 comments:

ordered-chaos said...

bozone and sarchasm rock!

Opinionated Jaahil said...

HAHAHAHAHA. DUDE.

mehreenkasana said...

XD

Nashe^ said...

The alternative meanings are pretty awesome. I'm taking notes!

Deepak Iyer said...

Aaah .. sarchasm is the word that describes my blogging life :)

If life if measured by the moments of happiness, then intaxication is one big contributor. So what if it is your money, you would hardly notice it is missing till you get it back. So in a way, you get the money and inexplicable happiness.

Much laughter though overall.

KP said...

lol @ willy nilly
all were cool

Asfandyar said...

this is brilliant.

pokemon made me snort coke out my nose.

brok3n said...

woohoo...that made me chuckle =p