June 2, 2009

I’m on the plane to Chicago wishing that delayed flights were not sans internet connections. It’s so much easier to waste time, somehow, when the ‘www’ is at hand. The plane I’m sitting in is tiny. I wonder if it’s easier flying a smaller plane? Or is it easier to crash a smaller plane? :P Since I’m sitting in this tiny plane, preparing (when they finally allow us to take-off to land in O’Hare) I’m hoping it’s the latter.

Anyhow, I have done it. I have packed my bags, emptied my room into boxes, taken as much as I could, and then left in the lounge for anyone-who-wants-to-to-scavenge and left I.House. My cards have been handed in, and ‘207’ is no longer mine. I feel bereft. Surprisingly, I did not cry. I wonder if people’s capacity for tears diminishes with the number they shed? Or maybe our ability to withstand emotional pain builds with time. But I feel bereft all the same. Like a large chunk of my life has broken away. Given that over the past year so many large chunks of my life are gone, I wonder if I sit back and let myself examine what’s left, I’ll find anything at all.

So many people are moving into the city as I leave it. Someone moves into my room tomorrow. I hope they’ll take good care of it. Interestingly, I find myself amazed at how much I resent the ‘new’ people: those moving to Manhattan as I prepare to leave it; those moving bags into I.House complaining copiously about the size of the rooms, wondering if they should keep living here; those attending Columbia orientations, even as I rush around trying to release my degree. I envy them the experience I already had. Which is mean of me, I know. But in my defense, I’m just NOT ready, I’m not ready to let go of what I had here and move back to Pakiland. I’m not ready to move on the Chapter 2, 3 or whatever-it-is of my life. I’m happy here. But it seems like, as with everything else that happens-when-it-happens, the choice is not mine. What’s left, I suppose, is for me to make the best of it. That said, however, it really do suck-eth!


Ps: I made it to Chicago. Three hours delayed, but here nevertheless. Struggling not to sleep, but it's a losing battle! *sigh*


Ubaid said...

yaar just forget about this now and try to be positive about coming to paki land i knowwww there is nothing positive to it, but phir bhi think up of something...

waisey we have really good kisam kaa khaba over here, think about that :p

brok3n said...

aww....*hugs* ..inshAllah chapter 2/3 will make up for everything. You just gotta believe y'know. BTW..I heard Chicago's pretty neat too. Take pictures! =p

Deepa said...

It truly sucks when you end up giving up something when you feel you most need it :-(

Good luck with the upcoming chapters.

Sadaff said...

Have an amazing trip and good luck with all the rest of it.