May 3, 2009

Like sand goes through the narrow confines of an hourglass, warmth escapes my soul, slowly but surely, leaving nothing but a cold vestige of my former self behind. 

I think I was a much better person a year ago. 

On some days I look at myself and I wonder what happened to her. And then I look at a picture of you-and-me-and-everybody-else from the days that once were. And I know. 

I wonder if I should thank you for twenty-five years in which you indulged me, convinced me that there was nothing I couldn't do, excused my flaws as if they didn't exist, held my hand when I hurt, made me laugh when I cried, laughed at me when I threw a tantrum, or two, or ten, protected me from the world but more than that, protected me from myself.

Or I wonder if I should blame you for leaving me alone now. Unprepared (and most unwilling) to face the 'real' world. 

A world without you.

6 comments:

Senilius said...

The one that lies beneath may hide but will never change. We all feel we have changed but that's only what we feel. :)

Marina said...

*hug*?

OnLY OnE..! said...

I have no idea what to say when you talk missing him.
I want to say I think you are incredibly strong cause I can't even imagine how I would deal with such a loss.seriously. really.

you are an inspiration Xeb, and moreover am sure he is very proud of the person you are.

*bear hug*

OnLY OnE..! said...

*about missing him

AD said...

i dunno how to put this but i miss him too .. sometimes just too much for me to even understand...
:( in no position to place words here!

Xeb said...

:)