May 7, 2009

I'm sleep-typing. Like other people sleep-walk. And others sleep-talk. And some (poor buggers) snore. I sleep-type. Not that I don't snore. I think I do. I refused to believe it until N taped me and played me snoring to me. I think that may have been why N and I broke up. Or it may have been something to do with all-the-other-really-important-things-I-don't-remember. Or it may have been the snoring thing. It's rude to tape other people snoring. I want sheesha, but I don't have the energy to get up and make it. I wish I had a slave-boy. Who ran around fetching and carrying and doing my dishes (oh, I have too many dishes) and the laundry (fuck-so-many-goddamn-dirty-clothes). I suppose it's not politically correct to say the 'S' word, but I say fuck that. I want a slave boy. And a slave boy I shall have. In my next life. In this one, all I have is the bloody-thesis. And the bloody-thesis is ruining my life. So is the slow seeping in that I'm leaving NYC. And I.House. To go back home to home-that-will-never-feel-like-home-again. *bugger* It's such a English word, bugger. I once thought I was in love with an English man. Turns out I probably fell for the accent. Mr. England was smooth talker, but not much else. All bark and no bite. I like bites. There's a bunch of rabid mosquitos in my room that keep attacking my neck. I keep telling people to call pest control, but nobody believes me. I don't know why. I never lie. Or I always lie. It's either one of the two. Believe what you will. I don't think I really care. About you, about me, about anything. All I care about is sleep. And chapter four and five of bloody thesis. Bloody, bloody thesis. You seemed like such a good idea in the beginning. But like all the other good-fucking-ideas in my life you turned out to be crap. In that respect bloody-thesis, you're just like all my other ex-bfs. When will I get lucky? And no, boid, I'm not wondering when I'll get laid.  Because I'm going to be depressingly 'good' for my entire life. Goodness is idiotic. You know what's even more idiotic? Deceptive badness. So as it turns out, I'm too 'bad' for the 'good' guys, and too 'good' for the bad guys. Who would have thunk it? But such, my friend is the nature of life. Nobody wants what they can have. Least of all me. Sometimes I think I only want what I can't have. What is transient, and pointless and generally unavailable. Except it suddenly becomes available.But still remains transient and pointless. I bought a new shampoo today. It spells fabulous. Fabulous, fabulous, fabulous. I want to move to Mumbai. Except I don't. Somebody should explain this to me someday. Actually somebody should explain 'life' to me someday. Then maybe I wouldn't run around being so fucking clueless. M, just walked in on someone we know having sex with someone else we know. I think she shouldn't walk into just any open door she sees. It's not a sensible thing to do. You never know what's waiting for you on the other side. And trust me, sometimes what's on the other side is really painful. I'm still waiting for my slave boy with the sheesha. I don't know why I have to wait so long. It's really difficult to get good slave boys these days. But then I'm sleep-typing. What would I know?

13 comments:

JDèé said...

God, you are one smooth sleep talker.

Sadaff said...

^true that!
Grad school is tough stuff but it def. teaches you mad skllls(i.e. skillfull sleep typing).

Ali said...

haha. Must agree with both of those above me. :-) lovely rant. I need sheesha too. I'm sure the sheesa in NY is awesome. Hard to find decent smoke here for some reason. :-/
I am SO having sheesha this weekend. Ooh. I do a mad Godzilla impersonation. Or would that be im-lizardation? Pata nai. Hmph.

Deepak Iyer said...

That was some bloody brilliant writing !

No, I am not flattering you. Just that I have tried to write such random stuff lots of times but never succeeded yet.

S said...

Xeb, as the spouse of a chronic snorer..I'll have you know that it's not the ones who snore that ought to be called "poor buggers", rather the ones they sleep WITH should be awarded that status!!! His snoring has turned me into an insomniac.
When we were newly married*blush blush*, I'd politely ask him to let me fall asleep first, then start his pandemonium !!

Other than that, loved the sleepy rant!

Saad said...

you needed to do this without any punctuation!

Maryam said...

No. I think the punctuation made it even more amusing.

Xeb... hug? pats-on-the-back? DRUGS MAYBE?!

Drugs le lo.

Viks said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Viks said...

You know, I think things happen for a reason, there's a flow to it all. I sat next to this elderly gentlemen during a bus ride and he told me one of the most beautiful things that I probably use to hear it all the time, but finally meant something to me. He said something like:

"The secret to life is that you live it knowing that the very next moment it is going to get better, and once you do that, you do everything in your power to make it better. You don't realize it, but just like that, you make your life so much better. The secret is, you work hard to make your life, just like everything else. The secret is, you make your own life."

Just do you thing, you'd be fine.

Xeb said...

JDee: I am smooth (period). Yes? No? err, Maybe? :P

Sadaff: I hate grad school (even as I hate the thought of graduating, yes I'm mad, no I haven't been to a shrink (yet), yes I know I ought to, no bloody-thesis is STILL not done!)

Ali: You shall take me for sheesha when I come to Lahore. Sans im-lizardation please.

Deepak: Thank you! :)

S: I think I snore. It sucks! I'm going to be forever self conscious!

Boid: Will try the next one without punctuation.

Maryam: Drugs de doh. Please. Please. Pleaspleasepleasepleaseplease! :P

Viks: That 'is' nice! :) Thank you for sharing it with me! :)

Marina said...

Itna acha likhti ho. Allow nai kerna chahiay mujhe. Hmph.

Omar said...

Don't feel bad. I sleep talk and sleep walk as well. Haven't really confessed that in public before but why not. How's the thesis going? Take out an hour or two and head to central park this weekend to get some sun.

Arunima said...

I am interested in who saw whom in the bed and with whom (as if I know them.) My gossipy mind at work you see. :-)