This new blog template is a nuisance. Pretty, but a nuisance. It's big, and it's gadget-y, and its a nuisance. If I were to deconstruct what I've just done, I'd say it's indicative of the multiple spaces of fucked-up-ness inherent to my personality, as outlined below:
- I crave change. Even as I whine, and whine (and whine some more) about a desire for stability. The adult part of my brain understands that I need stability to be happy (but then who doesn't?). It would be nice to know that I'll still be in the same place, doing the same thing for more than just a few months at a time. But here's the thing: The minute I have no impending, life transforming, change on the horizon a nagging, incessant, somewhat masochistic itch for change surfaces and refuses to let up until I have embarked on the next grand adventure. (All the while complaining to anyone who will listen about how much I need stability, ofcourse).
- I am fond of needless complications. Fond may be a mild word. I 'luuuurrve' needless complications. Drama amuses me. Attention thrills me. And I seek both knowing full well that complications, well, they complicate. They take what-should-be-simple and make of it what-it-really-isn't-but-possibly-is-or-could-be-or-should-but-isn't-really, you know? All I know is, a complicated life is demanding, difficult and consuming by turns, but atleast it's rarely boring! :P
- I'm far-far too impulsive. I decide in a split second that Amrapali has to go, and another few minutes later I've uploaded another (totally wrong) template without bothering to save the original XML file. The result? No more widgets! No more blog roll, and many more hours wasted trying to recover all the suff I've lost. I don't really stop to think before I do things. Maybe because I know that if do stop to think, I probably won't end up doing anything. So for me, thought precludes action, and action is never pre-thought-of which is, ultimately, most dangerous.
- I'm OCD'd. So very-very OCD'd. Despite the paper (or maybe because of it) I will not leave this bloody template alone until it is 'just so'. I will tweak, and tweak and tweak and just when it's reached the point when I'm happy with it and there is no more tweaking left, the itch for change will resurface like a rash which (ought not to be) but consistently demands to be scratched. *grumble*
- I am Mistress of Procrastination. If my degree was MA Procrastination I'd graduate with flying colors (instead of scraping by with a thesis that has real potential but little actualization). As it is I will do everything (clean my room, re-do my blog, have meaningful conversations on the nature of life, write multiple blog posts, edit old blog posts, listen to music, re-organize my picture albums, facebook (actually-lets-not-talk-about-facebook), make tea for people, have people make me coffee, sleep), essentially anything at all just as long as I can avoid my work.