April 11, 2009

She: What are you looking for in a man?
Me: Damned if I know!
She: Well, err, what are you 'hoping' you'll get?
Me: I don't know, I just want him to love me.
She: *amused smile* Love, toh hum sab ko chahiye hota hai, what you 'really' want?

But here's the thing, I don't really want anything else, just love. But not the soft, fluffy, pink and senseless kind. I want a deep, abiding, crazy love. The kind that nothing can take away from me, not life, not death. I want him to feel for me the kind of passion that comes from knowing every single inch of me, my body, my soul, my mind. I don't want him to agree with me, I don't want him to 'like' everything that I am, I don't want him to compromise, or to graciously accept me. I don't want him to change me. I just want him to understand because he loves me.

I want the kind of love that Neruda talks about, when he says...


I do not love you as if you were a salt rose, or topaz
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
So I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

10 comments:

mehreenkasana said...

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
So I love you because I know no other way.

(: Perfecto.

Eeda said...

i <3 <3 <3 Neruda.

what do you do when you find that kind of love?
and then you find that he is not the kind person you wanted?
you cannot just love someone, anyone, for loving every inch of your body and soul better than you know it.


i used to want the same things you do, but i have learnt that love is not enough.

haey. i sound like such an ungrateful buddhi amma.

Xeb said...

Mehreen: Neruda rocks!

Eeda: People change. What you are tomorrow, is not what you were today. I know that better than anyone else. So I don't care who he is, what he does, how much money he has/had/makes. And what I do know is this, of all the things that change you, that make you whole, that make you complete, love is the ultimate force. Love brings out the best of us and the worst of us. Love makes us want to be better people, want to be stronger people, want to look after those we love. I want the kind of love that can only exist between a man and a woman if they know what's inside their soul.

I suppose I want intensity of feeling at the end of the day. And then I can live with it if he doesn't pick up his socks. If he's not the son of a king. If he smokes like a chimney. If he believes in another God. If he wants more children than I do. If he wants to take care of his parents when they grow old. If he's a closet misogynist.

And love is not enough, definitely. But it's a great starting point, because only a certain sort of person would fall in love with me. Stay in love with me.

Everything else is transient. And 'man' is an animal capable of learning with some encouragement! ;)

Porcelain said...

Ah, love.

Ali said...

You're so adamantly naive, yet so subtly wise. Inspiring.

Ali said...

from experienced i have learnt that men cannot learn from experiencem, besides u are skipping the initial stages u cant get bread till u tread dough

Maryam said...

"I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul...thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body."

<3.

I like your template too. Its so...alive.

Absar Shah said...

Ah! Wasn't this poem featured in Patch Adams? I've been looking for this!

Marina said...

Love the poem, love your words.

ordered-chaos said...

Neruda seems to be the only one who understands this or you and me! certianly no male I know does, ( I like to believe this because the alternative is believing that no one feels this for ME )

I am losing hope here btw.....I hope yours is stronger.