April 29, 2009

Dear Blogdom, 

Let me begin by clarifying from the outset that as an avid (and very verbose) blogger myself I can and I do sympathize with most of your stories. Indeed without you as partners in occasional misery, usual bitching and word-voyeurism, I would be quite desolate. Your ethusiasm for my words and your frequent comments make my day, every day. That said, I realize today that I have something to say specifically to some of you, and although this commentary may seem slightly acerbic, think of it like tough love. Necessary and very good for you. Like even the most pungent medicine is better than a permanent sore throat.


First to just-beginning-bloggers. Hello my-loves. Welcome to the world of those who have a lot to say and nowhere else to say it. We - who have been part of this world for some time now - look at your first three posts, un-tweaked templates and unbriddled post-ethusiasm with an indulgent smile, even as we wonder whether to bother to return to your blog for a year or two. I know you think you have a lot to say and you're just about to spew forth all your feelings out for the world to see, but here's a tip: Don't act like the ridiculously chirpy freshman who's wandered into the senior prom and wants to know 'What's UP~!'. Don't assume you have an audience, because you DON'T. Also please, PLEASE don't tell us all about you and the (insert a hundred adjectives) city you live in. Please don't try to explain to us (and by extension to yourself) WHY you made this blog. It gets very tedious seeing yet another, 'this-blog-was-made-because-I-have-something-to-say-and-no-one-will-listen-in-real-life-so-I'm-going-to-bore-you-with-my-verbosity' first post. It does not inspire me to return (I doubt it would inspire anybody). 


Which brings me to my at-pains-to-be-complicated-not-what-I-seem-on-the-surface-with-many-layers-underneath-and-a-lot-pain-under-the-happy-facade friends. Darling, I understand that you need to color your re-writing of your life in so many shades that you appear for all intents and purposes a two-year old's version of the mona lisa. I understand the desire to allude to what is beneath the surface, to reveal enough facets to have the reader in no doubt that you're not what you appear to be. But allusion, my friend, is not equivalent to tedious posts that say (over and over again in case the reader has any doubts) that you are a 'complex' human being, who is 'not understood' by the general populace. I wish you could find better (and subtle) ways to advertise your complicated nature rather than labeling on your virtual forehead in bright red font 'COMPLEX PERSON. PLEASE APPRECIATE'. *jeez*


I also have something to say to the permanently-dukhi-aatma's out there. I have posted my share (and more) of whiny, fuck-the-world, life sucks posts. Unfortunately for me they have also managed to coincide with my sometimes-dismal reality (which sucks even more). And I do empathize with most of your miseries. But what I feel compelled to point out is that when you are whining about your awful unsatisfied lives please stop to consider that it would be socially responsible of you to let us know of the few, possible instances of anything close to happiness you might encounter. PLEASE. I know your life sucks. And although you seem not to be suicidal (even though by all accounts you should be), your posts have made ME suicidal. So in the interests of saving my life and preventing me from jumping out of my window screaming 'Save me from the misery of YOUR life', please, cheer-the-fuck-up! 


And my last peice of wisdom is reserved for the always-happy-bunnies out there. Those who constantly want to be inspirational, give me something to think about, make me a worthier person. You are the utterly despicable anti-thesis of my troubled friend up there. Look around you, see all the goddamned suffering and then tell me WHAT-THE-FUCK-ARE-YOU-SO-HAPPY-ABOUT? You clearly lack any social awareness. Idiot. Stop blogging. Go home. 


I will end my note hoping that it was of benefit to some of you, and amusement for some others. Forgive me if I sounded like blogger extroadinaire dispensing advice to the common mutitudes (even though that's exactly what this is, but I digress). Keep blogging.

I love you all, 

- Xeb

21 comments:

brok3n said...

Do I come under the dukhi-aatma...Im no sure but that sure was amusing =P

Ali said...

i scrapped my blog when i found out some one was actually reading it. ^_^

if i decide to write in near future i will definitely heed. ty

Maryam said...

Um. Where do I fit in?

Maryam said...

I loved this.
O Blogger Extraordinaire =D

Xeb said...

Haha, for the record these may not apply to any of you! :P They're just general things that irritated me today because I've been in a bit of a 'mood' aaj kal. You, my loves, are awesome! :)

And Ali, I'm now confused because it appears there are TWO Alis who read my blog. Now I'll have to keep track of kaunsa Ali kaun hai!

mehreenkasana said...

I'ma say *thumbs up* I like this. I'ma say, yeah, it be good. I'ma say.

Ali said...

I'm the ali with the picture. and this post is no fun without names! :P

I'm the real slim shady. the other ali should change his screen name :P

Xeb said...

Mehreen: :)

Ali: Haha, yea. You're also the Ali with a blog! And names, for various reasons, have been intentionally omitted.

Xeb said...

Incidentally, doesn't it make it 'more' fun without names? Plug in any name you wish and there you go... acerbic commentary! :P

DysfunctionaL said...

hahaha.. blogging 101! I love it!

Maryam said...

Xeb, names would have made this much more fun. But then, not all of us are mean, bitchy and malicious, kyun Ali? =P

Ubaid said...

I love this post one of your best posts ever !!

and Ali is right there should be names... SO EDIT IT PLEAAJJJ !!

and waisey waah kya baat hai sab ki aaho ho gayee... and i want to know too in which category do i fall :p ...

i think the dhuki one is nice !! i would still prefer multi sort :p !!

Maryam said...

Ubaid Khuda ke liye kuch hosh karo why would you want yourself to be included in the dukhi category?! Taubah. Scary people all around. XEB, I WANT A CATEGORY OF MY OWN YAR! Lol. Mujhe bhi kahin daalo =P

Anushay. said...

*Looks away immediately*

Deepak Iyer said...

@Xeb : This was really good. I guess you speak for everyone in this post.

P.S. : This post has made me think where my blog falls under or if it irritates anyone as much [:)]

Ubaid said...

@maryam
hehehe pata nahi i guess DEVDAS sort of blogs do impress others ;) !! bachiyan hi pat jayein gein shaid koi :p !!

Xeb said...

Deepak: For the record, your blog is brilliant! :P News, that you can't use, is quite possible the best kind! :)

Deepak Iyer said...

@Xeb : However false that might be, you have made my day [:))]

Ali said...

okay while i dnt have any picture at all i also descend from your city unlike the other Ali.

Ali said...

Whereas I, unlike the Ali above me, am hot. :P

Harshad said...

would like d blogger extraordinaire to classify mine.... :P

pretty neat one urself.... :D