March 8, 2009
Happiness is ephemeral, transient, vague, indefinable. Honestly, the quest to be 'happy' has often been the source of more misery for me than other worthless journey I have undertaken. Those who are wiser-than-I have told me time and again that true happiness comes from within. It comes from a sense of satisfaction in oneself, a sense of independently constructed whole-ness that does not depend on anyone else. I understand that. I do. But at the same time I know that I've never really been able to summon up whatever it takes to unearth the hidden wells of happiness from within. Happiness teases me like a fickle lover with brief glimpses, slight touches and suggestive smiles, all the while knowing that as soon as I show more interest, try to follow, it's going to disappear and I'm going to be left here wondering if this was nothing more than a figment of my imagination.