Gillani's speech, translated:
My dear countrymen (and marginalized women),
We tried our best to screw you over, but we failed. We tried to dominate the political scene and distract all of you from the issues at hand but the lawyers’ et al decided to throw a giant sized spanner in the works. I, as prime-minister, have been screwed over on all sides, but I’m trying my best. Now that we have no choice whatsoever lets remember that the lawyers and PPP actually love each other, have been since we collectively came up with the plan, earlier mentioned, to screw you over. I want to remind you that Benazir Bhutto was part of Long March One, as was I. Also I was arrested on that occasion (and for more than just making sleazy moves on Sherry Rahman) which is testimony to my love and devotion to the lawyers' cause. Benazir loved the lawyers, Zardari loves the lawyers, everybody loves the lawyers. Our only problem was a concern with the fate of the now-CJ Dogar! We didn’t want to hurt his feelings. Also, do you not see the inherent moral issue in deposing one CJ from another? Now, as it turns out, CJ Dogar is miraculously retiring next week which allows us to reinstate CJ Iftikhar Mohammad Chaudhry (along with all other deposed judges) guilt-free. Please remember that we are not doing this because of any pressure whatsoever, but because we are also fighting (together with the lawyers and Sharif brothers) for the cause of truth, justice and the American way (with a little bit of Pakistani tarka on top). As for Nawaz & Shahbaz Sharif, we (the government) will fight for their cause WITH them in the Supreme Court. We share bonds of mutual love, affection, and the ‘charter of democracy’ aka the grand plan we developed to screw you over, so there is no reason whatsoever for all this tension as long as we promise (once again) to share the spoils fairly.
So, my dear countrymen, I want to congratulate everybody on a job well done. Welcome to the birth of a new and better Pakistan. Rest assured, we will continue so to screw you over in any and every way we can think of.