March 13, 2009

Crazy Conversation of the Day

He: You know, you run the risk of quite possibly becoming his NY-based booty call.

Me: This is interesting, this is the second time I've heard that phrase. Why would you suppose I run that risk?

He: Because it's the logical thing to expect.

Me: It's logical to expect that I'm someone's booty call, but not logical to think that they may have an interest in me?

He: Yea, I mean not because you're not interesting... but because, well because you make it so easy for men to treat you that way.

Me: Easy how exactly?

He: Well, you're so honest, and you don't play games, and you wouldn't think twice about letting into your lives and trusting them....

Me: Err, so let me get this straight, relationships are not about honesty? Openness? Trust?

He: Well, look. You don't expect something like that to happen to you...

Me: Ergo, it must?

He: Not necessarily, you just have to accept the fact that it's a high probability.

Me: I don't get why everyone is so frikking negative about all of this. It's almost like you WANT me to believe the worst. How can anyone ever be a in a relationship without trust?

He: Trust needs to be earned....

Me: Doesn't mistrust also deserve to be earned?

He: Listen, you always learn the hard way. Just because you don't understand that men and women don't always think alike.

Me: *pointed look* Clearly, some men don't think at all. Okay, so give the fact that men and women don't think alike, if I trust a man, he will betray me? If I let him into my life, he'll take advantage? and if I don't play games, he will use me?

He: Something like that.

Me: So, at the end of the day, if I resign myself to being somebody's NY-based booty call?

He: Err, that's NOT what I said.

Me: Well, that's what you implied. You know, the more I think about it, you may be right. Oh well, if booty call it HAS to be, there's only one thing I'd want.

He: What?

Me: I'd hope I'd be told that's what I am.

He: Huh?

Me: See, being booty call I may/may not even be okay with. Being lied to would really suck.

He: *throwing me despairing look* You are the most contrary woman on this planet.

Me: I don't see what your problem is! If I'm somebody's booty call, and I know that's what I am, and I agree to be that, then I'm not being taken advantage of, or used and abused. And if I agree to such an arrangement, well it's what I deserve right? But if I'm being misled on purpose, now that would really suck.

He: Sigh.

Me: Ditto.


Maryam said...

I... shouldn't laugh right? =P

Ali said...

I'm very protective of my female friends- and I'd react EXACTLY like this guy in this scenario. I totally agree with him.

I may sound judgemental, but I mean this in a wholly constructive way- your last comment sounds like you being stubbornly adamant more than anything else.

Or maybe I'm just misinterpreting the tone of the entire conversation... But I'm usually right. :-p

Xeb said...


I'm not being stubbornly adamant. My friend may be right, he may also be wrong. I'm not trying to screw myself over, I'm trying to avoid blinders. Those caused by trust AND mistrust.

The situation (and the possibility) doesn't thrill me either. But I'm hoping the other person is being honest with me (and when they're saying certain things, they mean it). But it makes no sense to just 'assume' someone is lying does it?

Also, if I'm the kind of woman who would 'naturally' fall into a booty call category, then maybe I need to re-asses what I look at when I look at the mirror.

Xeb said...

Maryam: It is funny. In a kind of tragic, kind of way! :P

Marina said...

High five. I'm with you on this completely. Same reaction all along lol.

Xeb said...

I think I re-title the conversation as an illustration of the fundamental differences between men and women :P It seems most of the women who have read this have been with me on it, clearly the men support the other side.

JDèé said...

Hmmm, I agree with Ali.

Xeb said...


Return to earlier point.

Deepak Iyer said...

Somehow I just got to reading your earlier posts now. I am not sure either if I should be commenting and stirring this topic up.

But my 2 paisa, which I love to give when it isn't needed :
In the equation, you are the constant, the guy is the variable.
It depends on the guy what you end up becoming for him; since you are the constant in the equation.
So depending on what variable you choose, I could agree with either you or your friend.

End of geekdom.

But I think you make sense with your point at the end, even though I am not sure you would say so under more normal circumstances.

Xeb said...

Deepak, your two-paisa are very welcome! :)

As far as variables are concerned, in this case it turned out my friends were right. A little bit of distrust would have gone a long way towards sparing me some ego-bruises (I'd say hurt feelings, but that may be exaggerating it a tad bit).

But in terms of principles, I'd still maintain that starting out on a premise of mistrust is silly. I'd rather trust because atleast then the relationship (or whatever it is) has a fighting chance. If I started out on the premise of mistrust the thing would be doomed to begin with! :P