January 2, 2009

Two-Thousand and Eight.

I have no idea what to say to you really. In parts you've been good to me, you've been bad to me, and you've been downright awful. In all, you've been a year of painful transition. The beginning perhaps of personal metamorphosis, except I have yet to know what the process will culminate in.

I remember this time last year I was desperately trying to hold on a relationship that I valued a great deal, which now seems mostly trivial. I was worrying about decisions that fate had already decided for me. I was planning for a future that now seems too distant to be of any concern. This time last year I didn't really understand what it means to have your world collapse around you in the space of a few hours. I didn't really know what it was to grieve. I didn't really know what irreparable loss feels like.

Now I do.

Two Thousand and Eight took from me a lot of people, but I grudge you only one of them. The one who mattered most and will be missed the most. My father's death on August 4th of this year has marked you as unforgettable, distinguished you as one of those years that I will remember forever, but not fondly.

When I stand here and take stock of the last year I know that although the scales weigh down on what Two Thousand and Eight has taken from me, the year has given me much I have to be grateful for. This year, the events it brought with it, have made me stronger. I feel like I am more prepared than I was before to handle difficulties. You showed me much grief but you did not break me, and this has made me a stronger person. And perhaps better as well, because I realize the value of some things more than I did before. Of family and of friends. I lost many people this year, but I gained a few also. New friends, closer friendships. I forged new relationships, sustained old ones.

Two-Thousand and Eight has ended now, but I am still waiting to be found. I'm still seeking meaning, seeking direction, seeking purpose. And I hope some of that comes my way with Two Thousand and Nine.

I hope that the new year is happier than the last, I hope that it is more prosperous and I hope that it is more personally fulfilling for each and every one of us.

1 comment:

Arunima said...

very touching post.

Wish you a happy new year! Hope this year brings everything that you have been seeking.