November 28, 2008

i really need to stop freaking out when anyone close to be disappears for a few hours i need to stop obsessing about where they are and what they're doing and why they don't bother to stay in touch i need to stop myself from thinking up the multiple ways in which they could have been hurt or worse and how i wouldn't even know about it until much later i need to stop this awful paranoia that takes over and i need to stop getting irrationally angry at the lack of contact and stop feeling insecure but understand that not everyone or maybe not anyone can see beyond the seemingly calm surface and see the manic thoughts that go through my head or understand that my heart beats faster and faster until i think its going to explode because of all the crazy thoughts in my head i need to understand that even though i ask people to stay in touch with me its not very rational to expect them to maintain constant contact and that people have lives that preclude me and they should because that's normal what's not normal is this insane desire to just know where they are and what they're doing because when i don't know then chances are higher that they may have died and i'm left behind to wait for the phone call that tells me so.

4 comments:

Natasha said...

word!

Xeb said...

?

Ozair said...

your good too... worrying about people is not such a bad thing.. maybe too much is...

but i find myself plagued by the same problem... thinking too much almost like on speed... but its been a while since i have...

even when you do stop obsessing dont lose compassion...

Natasha said...

xeb: word! meaning that i totally agree, and that i sometimes go through the same things too. unfortunately the people we care for seldom reciprocate in the same manner. na shukray kahee'n ke.