I has decided that now the time has come to be POSITIVE about my life. Taking a leaf out of the book titled 'How to Stubbornly Refuse to Become Miserable About Anything' (or some such shit), I am going to spend some time counting silver linings!
1. You will soon become the world's most effective 'Faker'. Picture how many times you've managed to fake a smile in recent weeks,. Faking facial expressions successfully (that's it girl, turn on the happy, just like that, a little less enthusiasm, a little more feeling, yea, that's the way, beautiful, fabulous, you go girl!) is step to becoming master of disguise. Now that you have mastered the art of 'faking it' the world is at your doorstep. Also, fake smiling is good for you. If you don't believe me google it. I'm sure there's a shpeil somewhere out there (which is totally, completely true ofcourse) about how fake smiling is step 1 in the road to happiness. As self-confidence guru's everywhere keep telling us, 'fake it till you make it'. Aside from happiness, faking it is the best way to become rich, successful and popular. And as any smart woman will tell you it is also the one true path to a successful relationship.
2. In times of adversity you find out who your true friends are. Your true friends are the ones who look after you when you're sick, come cheer you up when you're down, be there for you when you're trying very hard to hang on to whatever it is that's keeping you from jumping out of the tenth floor window. And even if it is a little depressing to realize that the bulk of your friend's don't fit the description the good news is that this is an OPPORTUNITY! The opportunity to practice the Zen art of de-peopling (a cleaner, less friendly life is what we all need naturally), as well as to gain MORE friends. Imagine the possibilities, more people to meet, get to know, and become friends with. And if the whole process makes you realize how selfish and shallow everyone around you is... that's a GOOD thing too! You now have a chance to re-evaluate your priorities and begin a whole new social circle! :D It's as good a reason as any to pack up and move to another place where you have a chance to make 'REAL' friends. And you never know, you may be able to adopt a leprechaun or two on your way and bump into Santa Claus having tea with the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy.
3. You are on your way to a deeper understanding of the universe et al. Humanity as a whole has been desperately trying to make sense of the human condition, the cosmos at large and other mysterious wonders for centuries. You have finally made headway into this great cosmic problem because you - and a select lucky few - have finally understood what other's have not. That the deity has been around for way longer than you have. And the deity - like all the rest of us - needs entertainment. And although Gray's Anatomy works fine for us, the deity requires something more solid, more REAL, and generally funnier, something like 'Life' (and not the sad-ass board game version!). One way to be happy about this is remember that you are NOW the star of your individual Soap Opera (and who said you were going to die a nobody?!?!). So when people tell you you're a Drama Queen, you only have to look at them, incline your head in a slightly condescending way, give them a tiny half smile and say, 'yes I am, would you like an autograph'? The other major advantage your new insight gives you is the new-found opportunity to be absolutely entertained yourself since you now have first hand experience with the most advanced form of humor that exists: dark comedy. Why be sad when you can review the day's events in your head every night and cackle your head off at the hilarity of it all. No seriously, think about it. It's funny. More than funny. It's fucking hilarious! Come on now, laugh with me, you know you want to! :P